[Review originally published in Italian, then also in Spanish. English translation made by JoSeBach.]
Disclaimer:
Please refrain from participating in the drinking game featured in this review for the scores.
The staff takes no responsibility for damage to people or property.
Audience is advised.
Shade Owl (holding a jug of vodka): – Eh? That’s not fair! –
Also, we would like to reiterate that, as we’ve done with the previous reviews, this review is not meant to offend nor be offensive to the book’s author as a person.
Welcome or welcome back, comedians and tragedians. I am Spectrethief, courteous bastard and translator who yet enjoys trying out other fields.
I generally work on translations, but only for today I am here as a reviewer, and it’s not a fanfiction this time, but a book.
The Tearsmith is the first novel by Erin Doom who, despite the pseudonym, is actually Italian and recently made a face reveal in the Italian talk show Che tempo che fa. [T.N.: The book has been translated to English by Eleanor Chapman.]
The plot, in a nutshell, is about an orphan girl, Nica, that gets adopted alongside her orphanage “pal” (and bad boy) Rigel.
As scripted, despite Rigel being a dangerous and violent guy, she tries to understand him, she finds out his tragic past and, despite anything, the two get married.
Original, really.
“And what about this Tearsmith?”, you’d ask. Oh, the title (which seems vaguely fantasy-like) barely has anything to do with the story.
What else to say? This book is not much different from the fanfictions previously reviewed, if anything, aside the “refined” prose, it shares several points in common with an average fanfic from Wattpad (and it’s not strange, since its first version was indeed published on Wattpad, just like After).
So, this is a waste of paper that romanticizes toxic behavior, seasoned with the same unoriginal stereotypes and tropes. There is not much else to say.
Random dude:- Hell nah! –
SpectreThief:- Uh? –
Random dude:- Is this all you have to say? I’m here for the entertainment! –
(Oh fuck, but I cannot stop now. Keep smiling, Spectre.)
Ok, let’s elaborate. After all I don’t like leaving my impressions without a proper explanation.
In order to keep count of the ugliness of this book more efficiently, we are going to use four scores: one for cliches, one for the bad boy, one for toxic behavior depicted as romance and one for unclassificable oddities. Please refer to the disclaimer in the start of the review. And do not tear your hair off while reading this review.
Evgenij:- It won’t be easy, I’m already like in my profile picture.-
Shade Owl: – Only Gaia can stop me from doing drinking games!- (SpectreThief raises their hands.)
You can’t say I didn’t warn you. If anything happens it’s on you.
The book title comes from a fairy tale about this tearsmith whose job is to make people cry.
Moral of the story: “‘Remember, you cannot lie to the Tearsmith.’”
They told us this story to teach us that every child can be good, must be good, because no one is born evil. It is not in human nature.
Indeed, the author is a Rousseau supporter, who said humans are good in nature.
However, I agree with Voltaire, but I won’t digress on this topic.
I have to put in a good word for Erin Doom because of the quotations at the start of every chapter: if anything, you can tell she read a lot; I can’t say the same for her self-quotations.
In the first chapter they introduce Nica, the typical goody two-shoes, and yet it seems nobody wants to adopt her for unknown reasons.
Where have I heard this?: 1.
I think I’ll have lots of fun.
Shade Owl (drinking his first shot): – Already the first cliche!-
Anyway, eventually Luck smiles at this girl’s face, for a couple is willing to adopt her. Alongside this story’s bad boy, Rigel.
Where have I heard this?: 3.
Other than the bad boy cliche, many manga series have a similar plot as well.
I have many doubts. I’m gonna list them all already:
1) The couple has never met Nica and Rigel before they accepted to adopt them, which is odd; they should’ve at least seen them once.
2) The couple knows nothing about the two kids outside of their medical records. And this hides a problem as well, but we’ll see it later.
3) Traditional orphanages don’t exist anymore in the United States, which now relies on a more complex foster system. Ops.
Search time: 6 minutes.
Shade Owl: – Let’s go, there’s also the Numbered List!!!!-
Evgenij:- After all, the book’s setting is Fanfic North America™, just like “Danger”, “Hazard Hall” and many others. There is no point in looking for similarities with the real world. Let’s talk about the orphanage’s name instead: “the Grave”. Subtle like a redwood tree in a desert. –
I should take off my brain: 4.
At least, the author remembered that there is the Adoption Probationary Period, and only after that there is the actual adoption. Yet, this is just an excuse to show even more what a goody two-shoes the protagonist is.
They all get home, she enjoys her own room, she’s happy; everything is in the norm, considering she’s always lived in the orphanage.
Then she talks with Rigel: since they are going to stay in the same house, she wants to make sure everything goes well.
‘Don’t come into my room,’ he spat. ‘Not now, not ever.’
I looked at him anxiously, feeling my hope melt away.
‘Is that a threat?’ I asked quietly, as he turned the door handle.
I saw him opening the door, but at the last moment he hesitated. With a jerk of his sharp jaw, he turned to glare at me over his shoulder, and just before he closed the door, I saw his lips viciously curling into a sneer of condemnation.
‘It’s advice, little moth.’
Where have I heard this?: 4.
I will never understand this obsession with sneers.
Evgenij:- I imagine they can be charming to some, but for me it looks straight from a ridiculous villain. Speaking of ridiculous, he calls her “moth” because Nica is a butterfly species. Yeah.-
Then there is a short scene from the two’s past: the orphanage was a horrible place, nobody wanted to adopt her, and Rigel was different from everyone and he was perfect, yet he treated her poorly and deceived others to hide his cruelty.
Where have I heard this?: 7.
Shade Owl:– Hic… we hit se… seven… right?-
Rigel would yank at my clothes, pull my hair, untie the bows at the ends of my braids. The ribbons would flutter to his feet like dead butterflies, and through my tears I would see his lips curl into a cruel smile before he ran away.
But he never touched me.
Either Rigel has telekinetic powers, or she said that for the sake of saying it. And of course how he was never caught red-handed at least once is a mystery.
Indeed, many kids act like this in kindergarten, so I won’t take this into account.
He would pull me over by my sweater, and I ended up with baggy sleeves, but never bruises. It was as if he didn’t want to leave any evidence of his guilt on me. Or maybe he just found my freckles disgusting. Maybe he despised me so much that he didn’t want to touch me.
Again: either he has telekinetic powers or it’s a made-up sentence. And freckles are popular nowadays.
Sure it is odd reading this knowing they’ll fall in love with each other eventually.
Is this supposed to be romantic?: 1.
Evgenij:- Ok, let’s say it out loud: these pranks made out of spite are not a healthy way to express romantic attraction or interest, no matter how young one is. With this I’m not saying we have to assign guilt on the kid that does it, but neither we have to sugarcoat the matter by telling the victim things like “that kid likes you”. I may be too optimistic, but I think asking the kid:“Would you like it if someone does it to you?” would be enough. It worked with me.-
He was the last person in the world I wanted to be there.
Would I ever be able to ignore him?
If this is a very poor attempt to do foreshadowing, then know nobody is going to buy it.
The two go to school and when Rigel informs her they’ll be in two different classes, she frowns.
‘What did you mean?’ I bit my lip. I didn’t need to see his raised eyebrow to realise what a stupid question it was. But I didn’t trust his intentions, and I couldn’t believe that he would turn down an opportunity to torment me.
‘What?’ Rigel looked down at me, his towering presence making me feel even smaller. ‘You didn’t seriously think…that I would want to be with you?’
Is this supposed to be romantic?: 2.
Where have I heard this?: 8.
We’re still in the second chapter and Rigel is as likable as a total body waxing.
The tension of his body so close was enough to give me chills. Stay away, he said, but it was him who had pinned me against the door, breathed all over me, prevented me from leaving.
Oh, here is another one of his powers: when he gets toxic, there is nobody nearby or at least no one notices him.
Is this supposed to be romantic?: 3.
Evgenij:- Well, if we add up all the evidence, we’ll find out he has the same powers of a Sith? Darth Rigel?-
The protagonist’s generic friend Billie, and the sarcastic bitch Miki join the scene. I inform you already of their uselessness for all the plot except for a scene which is one of the few things I liked of the book.
Where have I heard this?: 9.
Let’s skip forward, and we get to the point where a fight between Rigel and another guy starts. Due to “differences of opinion”, as Rigel himself says.
Do you understand, kids? Peaceful conversations are for foolish weaklings, so just go beat each other and the last one standing wins.
Real men are boors: 1.
Give them two seconds and that idiot of a Rigel will be grounded. YET, since the other guy is no better than him, Rigel gets away with it.
Evgenij:- Just like Justin in “Hazard Hall”!-
In middle school two classmates of mine got into a fight and they both got suspended.
Here, though, nothing is said to the parents, testifying their uselessness to the plot.
He keep being a dick and telling Nica he is not her brother. Again, am I supposed to sympathize with this lot?
You too, Nica, aren’t helping: you say you don’t want to have anything to do with him and then you keep trying to bond with him?
Where have I heard this?: 10.
It’s evening and, to distract herself, Nica reads an encyclopedia till late. We get to know that Anna (the step-mother) is amazed by this.
I knew I was different.
I cultivated my strangeness like a secret garden that only I had the keys to, because I knew that most people couldn’t understand me.
I traced the rounded shape of a ladybug with my index finger. I remembered how many wishes I had made as a little girl, watching them fly away from my open palms. I would watch them flying free in the sky, and found myself hopelessly wishing that I could do the same, that I could burst into a cloud of sparkles and fly away from The Grave…
She says she’s different because of her love for animals.
… Let’s keep going.
Evgenij:- I mean, being more sensitive is interesting and even praiseworthy. If only it was coherent with the rest of the character…-
Then follows a horror-movie-like scene where the main character hears an eerie sound and checks it out, on pajamas.
Where have I heard this?: 12 (I’m including the “I’m different” thing).
Shade Owl (lying against a wall): – … CHEEEERRS LÀ-LÀ LÀ-LÀ-LÀ LÀ-LÀ-LÀ!!!-
I saw something moving in the darkness. A shadow was flitting on the ground, quickly and stealthily. It seemed to pause and wait for me, watching for what I would do. It disappeared down the stairs, and I gave in to my curiosity and followed it.
I thought I had glimpsed a fluffy tail, but I hadn’t been quick enough. I found myself on the ground floor, silent, totally alone and unable to see it anywhere. I sighed, ready to head back upstairs, but then I noticed that the light in the kitchen was on.
It’s no burglars, but just Rigel that went downstairs to put some ice on his bruises.
He does that now? Interesting…
After yet another statement to his handsomeness and badboyness, she asks him why he allowed the adoptive parents to take him into custody.
‘You think it was my decision?’ he asked slowly, watching me closely.
‘Yes,’ I replied cautiously. ‘You made it happen…You played the piano.’
His eyes burned with an almost annoying intensity, and I said, ‘You, you’ve always been the one that everyone wanted, but you never let anyone adopt you.’
I should take off my brain: 6.
Where have I heard this?: 13.
And this piano thing reminds me of something else…
(SpectreThief recalling The Twilight Zone, season 3, episode 22.)
Oh, yeah.
We also find out that, every time someone wanted to adopt Rigel, he always jeopardized it.
I’d known him since he was a little boy, and I’d seen him so many times that some part of my soul couldn’t be as coolly detached as I’d have liked. I was used to him, in a strange way. You sympathise with someone you’ve shared something with for so long.
But you said he couldn’t stop bullying you. And I believe empathy is a slightly different thing.
Rather than going back to sleep, she tries to help him and then there is another pathetic scene.
‘Don’t,’ he warned me with a threatening look. ‘Don’t you dare touch me.’
‘It won’t hurt…’ I shook my head and stretched my hand out further, but this time he pushed me away. I brought my hand to my chest and met his eyes with a jolt. He was glaring daggers at me, fury pulsing icily from his eyes.
‘Don’t just touch me like that – ever.’
Is this supposed to be romantic?: 4.
Real men are boors: 2.
At least, she replies back with a cocky ‘Or what?’, and his answer is…
‘Or…I won’t be able to stop myself.’
Is this supposed to be romantic?: 5.
Folks, here is your Prince Charming. Go throw your shoe right in that place.
And we’re still in chapter 3.
And this book has 37 chapters.
‘Nica and her creatures,’ the other children would say when we were younger. ‘She’s there with them all the time, among the flowers.’ They were used to my peculiarities, maybe because in the institute, oddness was more common than normality.
I felt a strange empathy with everything that was small and misunderstood. The instinct to protect creatures of all shapes and sizes had been with me since I was a little girl.
Yet another unoriginal flashback about how much Nica cares for animals and how much she looked odd to everybody.
I’m not saying this is unrealistic, for it takes little time for kids to find someone strange, but this is a cliche nonetheless.
Where have I heard this?: 14.
Then there is a scene with the step-mother.
‘Seeing as we’re getting to know each other a little…why don’t you tell us a bit about yourselves?’ Anna smiled. ‘Have you known each other for long? The matron didn’t tell us anything…Did you get on well at Sunnycreek?’
I’ve already stated how this is odd, since to-be adopting parents are supposed to have met the kid once already and they should receive a dossier with all the minor’s information. But what strikes even more as odd is that the two teens pretend getting along because, according to Nica, if they don’t they’ll be sent back to the orphanage and it would be her fault only.
She leaves and he stalks her like some creep or some cartoon villain (your pick), and… have another stupid-ass scene.
‘If Anna and Norman saw…if they saw…if they saw how much you despise me…that you just run away from me…that it’s not as perfect as they think…they could change their minds, couldn’t they?’
Is this supposed to be romantic?: 5.
Real men are boors: 5.
It must be pointed out that he’s the one who would get in trouble, since she’s just a victim, right? This is not romantic, dear writer, this is just victim blaming.
‘One day they’ll see who you really are,’ I whispered feebly.
‘Oh yeah?’ he asked, unable to hide his amusement. ‘And who am I really?’
I clenched my fists and glared up at him accusingly. Quaking with anger, I looked him straight in the eyes and spat out, ‘You’re the Tearsmith.’
Oh yes, of MY tears!
Evgenij:- And this is how Doom justifies the book title! Come on!-
Let’s keep going.
She has a nightmare, obviously because of Rigel. Very romantic indeed!
My bad dreams had come back. Well, in truth they’d never gone away. A new bed wasn’t enough to drive them away.
How is it possible that nobody from the orphanage guardians told the two step-parents about anything?
We’ll learn more later.
Meanwhile, Rigel gained his own fangirls.
Because… he got into a fight?
Evgenij:- In total bad-boy style, of course.-
And of course, there is no gay nor bi guy in the Rigel fanclub, goodness!
Where have I heard this?: 15.
Real men are boors: 7.
Let’s skip it ‘till Nica gets back home, she sees a gecko, talks to it, Norman (the step-father) catches her, ending up in an awkward scene.
‘I just came by for a quick bite to eat…Who were you talking to?’ he asked, rummaging about for a bowl, and I smiled.
‘Oh, just with…’ but I faltered. The emblem of the dead beetle loomed before my eyes.
I quickly turned towards the little gecko and blanched when I saw him tilting his head and looking back at me. Before Norman looked up, I lunged for the creature and hid him behind my back.
‘… no one.’
Norman looked at me, confused, and I shrugged my shoulders with a nervous giggle.
[…]
‘What’s that?’
Norman turned around, and I took my chance. I hurled the gecko out the window. He whirled in the air like a spinning top and then landed somewhere on the lawn.
‘It’s a lamp…’
Norman turned back around, and I beamed at him. He looked at me, concerned, and I hoped that he hadn’t caught on to my crazy trick. By the looks of his expression, the opposite was true.
(Spectrethief facepalms themself.)
Why not telling him the truth? All pet owners talk to their animal companion. My neighbor even celebrates her kittens’ birthdays. Really, talking to her pets is the least strange thing she does.
Where have I heard this?: 16.
Shade Owl (dancing on the table): – EEEEE… MACARENA!-
Evgenij:- Come on, Shade, we haven’t finished the first half of the review yet…-
Have another scene of Rigel’s harassment which I’m going to sum up as the review is already too long and there is no need for more of this shit and I don’t want to get angry. She tells him that he won’t be able to ruin everything, he threatens her and puts her against a wall.
‘Oh, no, Nica,’ he reproached in a soft growl, his tongue clicking. ‘You have to stop this. All this defenceless cooing like a little nightingale…will only make matters worse.’
Real men are boors: 8.
Is this supposed to be romantic?: 7 (yes, the aggression counts).
Can you please not be an asshole for just ONE minute, Rigel?
Rigel (while writing a tweet supporting Andrew Tate):- How long was that?–
The next notable scene is one where he’s yet again an asshole.
Nica hears some noises coming from Rigel’s room and, peeking from the door, she sees that:
He was standing in the middle of the room with his back turned. Through the crack in the door, I managed to see the swollen veins on his stiff arms and his fists clenched at his side.
They were what caught my attention. His skin was tight over his knuckles and his clenched fingers were bone-white. I noticed the tension running through his arm muscles up to his shoulders, and didn’t understand what was going on.
He’s not having a stroke.
You wish.
She enters the room with the laundry.
He gets mad because she entered his room. To be honest, I’d be the first person to get pissed off if someone comes in my room without knocking at the door, but this is an overkill.
Real men are boors: 9.
‘You’re wrong,’ I objected. ‘Kindness is sincerity. And not asking for anything in return.’
‘Oh yeah?’ His eyes sparkled through his half-closed eyelids. ‘I have to disagree. It’s forced…especially when it’s directed at just anyone.’
[…]
‘For you, I’m the Tearsmith,’ he exclaimed. ‘We both know what you meant. “Don’t ruin this,” that’s what you said to me…I’m the wolf of the story, aren’t I? So, tell me, Nica, what would you call kindness towards someone you just want to disappear, if not…hypocritical?’
Is she better because she doesn’t react to his teasing and keeps following her principles? Or is this just Wendy syndrome?
Where have I heard this?: 17.
Her only braincell reboots and she asks him why he’s following her, to which he replies with:
‘You know why fairy tales end with “ever after”, Nica?’ he whispered mercilessly. ‘To remind us that some things are destined for eternity. Some things are immutable. Some things won’t change. It’s in their nature to stay as they are, otherwise the whole story falls down. You can’t disrupt the natural order of things without disrupting the ending. And you, with all your daydreams…with all your constant hoping…you’re so desperate for your happy ending, but are you brave enough to imagine a fairy tale without a wolf?’
Fanwriter91 (singing): What is it, puss? Your life flashed before your eyes? ‘Cus I’m quicker, smarter, bigger, and you’ve just realized…-
Next. While going to school, Nica sees a snail on the road that is about to be run over, and:
I stepped down from the sidewalk and picked her up before she tried to cross the road and meet her death. My hair fell over my face, and when I saw that she was all right and all in one piece, my face broke into a spontaneous smile.
‘I’ve got you,’ I whispered, realising too late how stupid I’d been. I heard the rumbling of an engine. A car was speeding towards me from behind. My heart leapt into my throat. I didn’t have time to turn around before something forcefully yanked me out of the way.
I found myself back on the sidewalk, my eyes wide and staring, and the furious sound of a car horn blaring in my ears.
I get loving animals and all that jazz, but this is getting ridiculous.
I can bet my hair that Nica would even find a Reaper Leviathan from Subnautica cute.
No need to say that the guy that yanked her is Rigel. He probably did that to avoid being accused of not giving her assistance, there is no other sensible explanation.
Evgenij:- Oh no, but of course, it’s because he loves her, despite he’s done everything to demonstrate otherwise… So original…-
Let’s skip to the next noteworthy event.
Here some random guy confronts Rigel because:
‘I saw you, you were harassing [the guy’s girlfriend],’ the boy got even closer to him. ‘Don’t you dare, you hear me?’ he threatened.
Rigel’s expression was impenetrable, as if he was hardly being confronted at all. But this didn’t reassure me. Black angel’s wings were furled around his body, hidden and invisible to everyone else. I feared the moment when he would spread them out and reveal his worst.
‘Don’t think you can do whatever the hell you want just because you’re new. It doesn’t work like that here.’
This said girl just shot a picture to Rigel.
Real men are boors: 11 (reporting this to the principal would’ve been enough).
Ok, and now…
Oh, it’s Valentine’s day and in this school there is a tradition where one gifts a rose to their special other.
Evgenij:- And it’s called Garden Day, also in the Italian original version. Because it sounds cooler in English!–
Rigel receives tons of roses, of course, and he throws them all away.
And Nica finds one in her locker. A black rose.
What?
How did Rigel know the combination of the locker?
I never said it was Rigel.
Random dude:- Well, that much was obvious.-
We’ll see.
Nica is in Rigel’s room, again, because she lost some important photo of her generic friend, and indeed Rigel finds her there. Have another unsettling scene where he rips the rose apart and that night Nica has a nightmare.
Real men are boors: 12.
Is this supposed to be romantic?: 8.
But Rigel is no more the only one who could’ve gifted that black rose: a guy went at Nica’s house with her biology book; indeed, he’s none other than the third party of this developing love triangle, and his name is Lionel.
Where have I heard this?: 19 (because it gave me Maid Sama! vibes).
Shade Owl (drinking another glass): – … I… I thinnnk… this IS the… fi-fifth booottle…-
Evgenij:- Of course, here the author is referring to Lionel Hutz or… that’s just a coincidence.-
And yes, Nica wrote her home address in the book, by the way. This is not a stretch in any way, oh no no no.
So Lionel leaves, then there is a time skip and Nica is helping a hornet.
Then he took flight.
And I blanched.
I threw the twig away and ran like mad. I hid my face in my hands, squealing in a shamefully childish way. I tripped over my own feet and fell over. I only avoided hitting the paved driveway as someone caught me at just the last moment.
‘What…’ I heard a voice behind me. ‘Are you mad?’
I whirled around, astonished, gripping the hands that held me. He was staring at me, dumbfounded.
‘Lionel?’
I was surprised to see him here. What was he doing in the garden?
‘I swear,’ he said, embarrassed, ‘I’m not stalking you.’
Yeah, everyone’s buying it, don’t panic. So I won’t count this. For now.
The two go in a bar to exchange their phone number.
Why am I thinking that Rigel is gonna beat the two of them up after this?
[Rigel] was not a prince. He was a wolf. Maybe all wolves looked a little enchanting, sensitive and prince-like, or else Little Red Riding Hood wouldn’t have fallen for it.
I knew I had to accept this.
There was no glimmer of light.
No hope.
Not with someone like Rigel.
Why couldn’t I understand it?
Because you’re the female MC in a mainstream YA book, my dear.
Where have I heard this?: 21.
The two are at home alone because Anna and Norman are in a convention.
Of what? She’s a florist and he’s an exterminator?! We’ll never know, for it’s just an excuse for the next scene, so forget it.
And by the way, I was right earlier.
Lionel and Rigel got into a fight.
And Lionel sends Nica pictures of himself beaten up.
Evgenij:- Is this some mafia threat?-
Real men are boors: 12.
I should take off my brain: 7.
Strangely, Nica reacts.
Something snapped.
I lunged forwards and struck out at him. I clawed at the wet fabric of his clothes, his elbows, his shoulders, wherever I could. He moved away from the unexpected attack and tears flooded down my cheeks.
‘Why?’ I screamed hoarsely, trying to catch hold of him. ‘Why? What have I ever done to you?’
He pushed me away, trying to get to the stairs. He flicked my fingers away as if they were spiders, staring stubbornly ahead as I clung to his clothes with my Band-Aid-covered hands, trying to hurt him.
And then they kiss. We better get to the next chapter, with a change of POV.
We can say Rigel is the carbon copy of Rey from The Promised Neverland if he was a badboy with none of his qualities.
Basically he loved her but he is cursed, he couldn’t leave her. And everything he did was out of love. When can I tell you to GO FUCK YOUSELF–
Where have I heard this?: 23.
Is this supposed to be romantic?: 10.
SO:
1) Why not telling her? It’s not hard.
2) You being “different” doesn’t excuse you for being a piece of shit.
3) After what we’ve seen, I will not accept that any of this was because of love. That’s not how it works.
4) You could’ve at least tried, [REDACTED].
Shade Owl: – The Nummm-num… bered… li-LISTS are… th BEST!-
By the way, why did he fight Lionel?
Because Lionel found out Rigel is not Nica’s brother. Is that all?!
Real men are boors: 14.
Next scene: Nica recalls her biological mother.
I remembered her, my mom.
Her curly hair and her sweet scent of violets, her eyes as grey as a winter sea.
I remembered her warm hands and her kindness, how she would always let me hold the samples she was examining.
‘Be gentle,’ I remembered her whispering as she handed me a beautiful blue butterfly.
‘Tenderness, Nica,’ she said. ‘Tenderness, always…Remember that.’
And then:
My phone screen lit up again, but I didn’t get up to reply. I already knew what it would say, and I didn’t have the courage to read any more. Lionel’s messages were an unending sequence of accusations:
Look what he did to me
I told him to stop
He started it
It’s his fault
He punched me for no reason
I’d already seen it happen too many times. I no longer had the strength to question whether it was true.
And nobody is going to report this to the police. Everything is fine.
I should take off my brain: 9.
Downstairs was immersed in shadows. I stumbled into something in the kitchen and almost fell over. I gasped, grabbed on to the wall and stared at the floor, blinking.
What…
I quickly reached for the light switch.
The light hurt my eyes. I took a sharp breath in and instinctively stepped back.
Rigel was lying face-down on the floor, his hair spread out over the parquet flooring.
Too bad he’s not dead. She, however, instead of calling an ambulance, calls Anna.
And yeah, he’s safe now.
I hate you, I wanted to whisper, as anyone else would have in my place. I hate you. I can’t stand your silences, nor anything that you say to me.
I hate your smile, the way you don’t want me near you, all the ways you’ve hurt me.
I hate you for how you always ruin beautiful things, for how violently you leave, as if it was me who had deprived you of something.
I hate you…because you’ve never given me any other choice.
But I didn’t say a word.
I didn’t voice the thoughts. Let them dissolve my heart. I felt drained by a sense of resignation. I was suddenly utterly exhausted.
Because it wasn’t true.
I didn’t hate Rigel. I would never hate him.
I just wanted to understand him.
But what are you…?! I’m such a fool to have believed in you!
The next day she wakes up tangled up with him. Then the phone rings and she reluctantly tries to get free of Rigel.
The step-parents are back.
I was overcome with panic. Anna and Norman.
‘Nica!’ Anna called. I plunged my fingers into Rigel’s shoulders.
Oh God, no, no, no…
‘Rigel, you’ve got to let me go.’ My heart leapt like an agitated insect. ‘Now!’
You are siblings and not even naked. And Anna knows Rigel isn’t well, so I don’t see the issue here.
I’m going to skip the next scene since it’s like… hmm… like the majority of their interactions, so let’s keep going.
Ah, and Anna doesn’t question Rigel’s bruises. Or at least she doesn’t notice them.
I should take off my brain: 12.
At least they are not abusive parents, they are just absent.
The next day Lionel invites Nica to have a walk with him and:
‘Lionel, we’ve walked out of my neighbourhood,’ I tried to tell him, slowing to a stop. He carried on walking until he noticed that I was no longer with him.
‘What are you doing?’ he asked, looking at me. ‘Oh, don’t worry. I know this area well,’ he added calmly. ‘Come on.’
He takes her to his father’s study, where there is a collection of insects. That’s basically like bringing a vegan in a steakhouse or bringing me in a maternity unit or talking about offsprings (I’m terrified of pregnancy).
But nice try, pal. He even gives a shot on kissing her, but she feels sick due to a sudden flashback.
She gets back and Rigel makes a scene (I know I’m being repetitive but it’s the book’s fault).
‘How come you ended up fighting?’
‘Why don’t you ask him?’ Rigel spat, so venomously I flinched. ‘He’s already told you all about it, hasn’t he?’
‘I want to hear it from you,’ I said feebly.
Rigel tilted his face, his lips shining with a cruel smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
‘Why? You want to hear how I smashed his face in?’ he asked with a biting resentment.
Real men are boors: 15.
Then Nica recalls Rigel has telekinetic powers.
So his threats and violent acts don’t mean anything to you?
I guess it’s just me being an old guard.
In the next chapter we see some family friends who’s daughter, Asia, doesn’t seem very enthusiastic of the two lovebirds.
During dinner, Rigel’s thumb gets stained in sauce and he licks it as if it was a porn movie. If I were to do it, god forbid!
Fanwriter91 (singing):- You’ll fear this purple thumb…-
Evgenij:- We get you like Puss in Boots 2, can’t argue with that!-
Nica blushes and Anna asks her if something is wrong. And doesn’t notice Rigel’s act.
No comment.
And then he randomly starts playing the piano.
Later, she eavesdrop a conversation between the guests and Asia, who doesn’t like the two guys. Nica runs away and ends up face to face with Rigel, she has the recurrent thought of how handsome he is, he threatens her AGAIN and asks why she’s constantly close to him. Ah, so it’s HER that is tormenting you and not you being an asshat?
‘It’s not my fault,’ I whispered, quieter than a breath.
It was his.
He was the one who was stopping me from keeping my distance.
It was his fault.
Let Nick Fury say my thoughts.
Real men are boors: 16.
Is this supposed to be romantic?: 12.
Let me say something about all those “he’s a good guy” bits, including the ones I haven’t mentioned here.
I get that the main audience is made by preadolescent girls (which is depressing, considering the vast majority of Wattpad books relies solely on those readers), but let’s say a young girl is attracted to blonde and slim guys or to more mature guys.
After all, these books are nothing but porn books, there to simply satisfy horny fantasies.
There is no effort whatsoever, my goodness.
After all, they sell only thanks to the bad boy addition.
Ok, so now something actually interesting happened.
Rigel didn’t pass a test.
That’s it.
Well, don’t forget he’s the male protagonist of an YA book, and he’s supposed to be perfect.
Nica must help him studying.
But this is all an excuse for him to stay with her.
Doesn’t the family have money to hire a teacher to help him? Just asking.
Rigel POV again, but he says the same things from his first POV, so let’s skip that.
And we’ve reached half of the book.
Not content with being treated worse than a rug, Nica tries to reason with Rigel.
‘Rigel…’
‘Stay away,’ he spat out, as if the words were burning his tongue.
I felt the harshness of his tone like a stab in the chest. Suddenly, he gave me a frenzied look.
He was gripping his bedroom door handle. I stepped back as I noticed his white knuckles. I stared at him, hurt and confused, unable to understand the reaction I had provoked in him, and the next minute, Rigel disappeared from view. The door slammed behind him.
It felt like a boulder had fallen on my heart.
Why had he reacted like that?
Was it… my fault?
Had I done something wrong?
Is this supposed to be romantic?: 14 (yeah, counting the blatant victim blaming).
Shade Owl (staring at his hand, flabbergasted): – Wh…why arrr… thhhere fi-fi-five fi-fing… fingerrrrs…?-
You know, I can say from personal experience that trying to help somebody who doesn’t want to be helped is self-destructive.
Then there’s a conversation between Anna and Nica:
‘I’m maybe starting to get to know you both a little better…Rigel’s a complicated character, isn’t he?’ She gave me a bittersweet smile. ‘But I popped my head in earlier. You were working well together. I’m sure he understands a lot better now, thanks to you.’
I should take off my brain: 13.
I’m crying.
And again he threatens Nica.
I opened the book to the first page of Andersen’s The Little Mermaid.
‘In this one, there’s the sea and a girl who’s in love with a prince. But there are no wolves. It doesn’t follow the rules. It’s different.’
‘And is there a happy ending?’
I hesitated, because it seemed like Rigel already knew the answer.
‘No. In the end he falls in love with someone else. And she…dies.’
I suddenly wondered why I had embarked on that conversation. I had just proved his point.
We had been in this room the last time that Rigel had spoken about the compromise of happy endings – if the rules are disturbed, then so is the ‘happily ever after’.
‘That’s the point of them,’ he said cynically. ‘There’s always something to fight. It’s just the monster that changes.’
‘You’re wrong,’ I whispered, determined to make my words count for something. ‘Fairy tales don’t teach us resignation. They urge us to not lose hope. They don’t just tell us that monsters exist…but also, that they can be overcome.’
I suddenly remembered what he had told me, in front of these very bookshelves…
‘And you, you’re so desperate for your happy ending, but are you brave enough to imagine a fairy tale without a wolf?’
Real men are boors: 16.
Oh fucking hell, ENOUGH!
Why did I choose to review this book? I could’ve minded my own business.
Evgenij:- I want to point out that fairy tales teaching that “monsters can be destroyed”, yes, it’s a cute idea, but it’s not Erin Doom’s, as you could’ve read it on internet for years.-
We’re in chapter 20, that begins with a conversation between an unnamed guy and Mrs Stoker the guardian from the orphanage.
The disaster was within him. It had taken such deep root that it was incurable.
‘You don’t have to accept it, Mrs Stoker. But the boy is clearly showing the early symptoms. His incapacity to relate to others is just one of the signs. And as for the rest…’
Rigel stopped listening, because it was the ‘rest’ that hurt him the most.
Why was he like this? Why wasn’t he like the others? These weren’t questions for a child, but he couldn’t help but ask them.
Is he a sociopath?
Evgenij:- Oh, Stoker? Like Bram Stoker? I hope they call Van Helsing to free us from Rigel!-
But now, a miracle happens, for there is actually an interesting scene.
Nica sees her generic best friend Billie and the generic bitch Miki (which until now made no appearance because, again, they’re useless) that are making out. Yes, that’s right… except one of them is sleeping, so that’s not… consensual…
Nica, surprisingly, reacts well to the scene.
‘Miki…do you like Billie?’ My voice was delicate and clear as water.
It was a stupid question, but I asked it all the same, because I wanted her to realise how straightforward this was.
Miki didn’t answer. Bitterness clamped her lips shut and knotted her throat.
‘There’s nothing wrong with it…’ I said softly, very softly, as if my vocal cords were shaping glass. I looked at her with clear eyes. ‘It’s a beautiful thing…’
I have to admit that somehow this is still a bit better than many other works of the genre, where queer character are basically gay boys that are featured only for the readers’ enjoyment, so with no character development.
JoSeBach (peeking from behind a corner):- Actually, as a lesbian, I feel like this is even worse than no representation because their presence is just to appeal the LGBT+ community… I guess? Not only that, but Miki’s only character traits are “being lesbian” and “one loves the other but can’t say it (she actually kissed Billie in her sleep uwu)” which is just damaging. Honestly, I’d rather have no queer characters featured than queer characters who’s toxicity and questionable behavior are justified. And to be fair, this should be applied for cis/het characters as well, it’s supposed to be a general rule; no form of abuse should be romanticized, and I’m kinda fed up that lesbian couples and dynamics are seen as more pure somehow, it’s infantilizing and stupid…-
I actually approve Nica’s following reply which moved me. Really.
‘There’s a type of caterpillar,’ I said after a while. ‘A caterpillar which is different from all the others. Sometimes you see it on acanthus plants. You know…caterpillars know that they have to transform. There comes a moment when they spin their cocoons and turn into butterflies. Right? It’s simple. But this caterpillar…well, it doesn’t realise. It doesn’t know that it has to become a butterfly. If it doesn’t feel like forming a chrysalis, if it doesn’t…well…if it doesn’t believe enough…there’s no transformation. It doesn’t spin a cocoon. It stays a caterpillar forever.’
(SpectreThief wipes their tears away.)
Now get ready for the next series of classic plot twists. Basically, we find out that Mrs Stoker, the guardian that took care of those twelve orphans, physically abused them. Hence Nica’s panic attack episodes were actually caused by forgotten trauma. Like Michelle Remembers, but minus the satanic parts.
I admit I’m not the right person to judge this part due to my lacking empathy and experience, however, considering this is the umpteenth excuse they use to make you empathize with Rigel, because, for some unknown reasons, he was not the target of this abuse and so he felt different… no, thanks, I’m done.
Being a victim of abuse doesn’t justify your behavior, fair, everybody reacts in their own way when exposed to trauma, but still it doesn’t excuse you. Especially after everything you’ve done.
Evgenij:- And he wasn’t even a victim!!! The other children were!-
Now we get to know that Anna and Norman had a son, Alan, who died. That’s why Asia has it in for the two adopted kids, for anything related to Alan was removed from the home. Whatever, everyone deals with grief their own way.
Nica tries to talk to a very furious Asia (because minding her own business is too mainstream, especially when it’s about grief).
Asia wants to slap Nica but gets stopped by Rigel.
Yet he then kisses Adeline, an old friend of theirs, and Nica loses consciousness.
Just wanted to point out how she cannot have other relationships while he can.
I should take off my brain: 14.
It was an enjoyable part, I’ll give you that.
And well, the two make out in the end. I was almost liking you, Nica, but you’re losing points with this.
Lionel is back and invites Nica to a party. Surprise surprise, he tries to rape her. But Rigel saves her. Of course, so we now see the abusive partner as a better option than his rapist rival.
Where have I heard this?: 24.
Shade Owl (eyeing inside the empty bootle): – Wh…wheeeer’s my… my vod-vodk-ka?-
‘I’m not one of your creatures, Nica,’ he murmured sadly. ‘You can’t…fix me.’
‘I don’t want to,’ I whispered.
He had left roses inside of me, he had left petals and a trail of stars where once I had been a cracked, parched desert. We shared something, in that silence, in the shadow of our shortcomings.
Rigel was a wolf, and I wanted him for exactly what he was.
‘I want you…as you are. I promised. And I haven’t stopped believing it…I won’t leave you alone, Rigel. Let me…let me stay with you.’
I don’t want to spoil the moment, but just because you have a trauma in common doesn’t mean you are intimate now. And after a book-worth of time of Nica being scared the shit out of Rigel, I feel detached. But do whatever you want, I just want to finish this review.
Rigel goes to a psychologist (finally), but the scene is pointless since, surprise, Rigel is an asshat, because apparently therapy is just for mentally sick people.
Where have I heard this?: 25.
Real men are boors: 17.
I put the flowers in a vase and admired them. As always, they were wonderful. She noticed me looking and smiled radiantly.
‘You like them?’
‘They’re gorgeous, Anna,’ I said, entranced by their beauty. ‘Who are you sending them to?’
‘Oh, no, Nica. These aren’t for delivery. They’re for you.’ She beamed at me, then announced, ‘Your boyfriend sent them.’
By the way, Lionel never said they are in a relationship.
Fanwriter91 (singing):- I guess this little girl hit the orphan lottery!-
Let’s get this straight: first, if one can receive flowers only from their partner, then my sister is being mischievous by receiving three different bouquets for Valentine’s Day; second, Nica doesn’t reply with:“He’s not my boyfriend, he tried to rape me”.
I get that it’s tough, but it’s been like this from the start.
Where have I heard this?: 26.
Lionel joins the scene while Nica and Rigel are making out on a bridge (or in some elevated location) and they fall. But (big but), Rigel, with his super reflexes, fend off Nica’s impact and goes in a coma. Am I being a bad person for enjoying this?
And then we find out Rigel wants to leave the adoptive family…
‘He asked,’ she confessed, with palpable pain. ‘It was what he wanted…he was adamant. Last week…he asked me to call off the adoption process.’ Anna swallowed, slowly shaking her head. ‘We concluded it all these last few days. He…didn’t want to stay here any longer.’
Fucking finally, a bad boy that has enough self-awareness to realize what an asshole he is and decides to leave for good. Well, as long as it doesn’t sin with the change of heart cliche, I may score this book not less than a 7 out of 10.
And we also get to know that…
‘Rigel suffers from a rare disorder,’ Doctor Robertson said. ‘A chronic condition that has alleviated over time. It’s a neuropathic disorder that manifests in attacks of pain in the fifth cranial nerve. In particular…the temples and the eyes. Patients are born with it, but over time they learn, in some way or another, to live with it…Unfortunately, there is no cure, but it can be managed with medication, and over time the attacks become less frequent.’
Ehm… excluding the fact that this feels so detached to Rigel’s character… So he is suffering a rare disorder… Which? There’s an infinity of them. Because “he fell […] down the stairs” and so what? Was making a quick Google research too much effort? And what do mental disorders have to do with this… goodness no.
Shade Owl: – My… my mig-graine… hurts… rare? My ass…-
I’m not a doctor, but a neuropathic disorder is one thing, another thing is a psychiatric disorder.
And they also tell us that Anna and Norman knew of his condition but, considering it’d never manifested before, something isn’t quite right. And you still have to explain who in their right mind would leave a kid affected by such a potentially lethal illness alone with a girl that is completely oblivious of this and has no medical experience?
I should take off my brain: 16.
Lionel is back (did I say that already?); shouldn’t he be taken into custody after the attempted rape and knocking someone out to coma?
I should take off my brain: 18.
At least Nica kicks him out.
Next noteworthy scene: Nica is reading that fudging “The Tearsmith” fairy tale to a comatose Rigel, and he wakes up. Seriously, other than some insults and this damned fairy tale, what does the title have to do with the plot?
She tries to feed him but the author remembers Rigel is a bad boy.
‘That’s enough,’ he hissed, snatching the tub and the spoon from me. He dropped them on the bedside table, and before I could protest, the tray suffered the same fate.
‘Oh, well,’ I said in a little voice. ‘We almost…’
His arm wrapped around my waist and he pulled me towards him.
I tried to not fall on top of him but it was useless: he was too strong, I couldn’t extract myself.
‘Rigel,’ I stammered, caught off-guard. ‘What are you doing?’
I tried to pull back, but he held me tightly against his body. Before I could say anything, he moved his lips to my ear and growled flippantly, ‘You wouldn’t deny me a moment of being…cared for…’
[…]
‘What if someone comes in…’ His fingers slowly probed under my denim shirt, finding a way to touch the skin on my waist. He gripped my hip and I held my breath.
‘R…Rigel, you don’t want to make the head nurse angry again…’
I jumped and my eyes flew open, shocked, bringing a hand to my neck.
He had just bitten me.
‘Rigel!’
Is this supposed to be romantic?: 15.
Real men are boors: 18.
We were so close to a good ending, dang it. At least Rigel leaves the family, so it’s not too bad.
(SpectreThief realizes there’s still 13% of the book left.)
What?! What else there is to say?
3 years forward timeskip. It’s Nica’s birthday, she receives a message from Rigel with his location, she meets a friend and:
‘Rigel,’ I swallowed. Although I felt an uncontainable happiness, my eyes shone with trepidation: that lethal gaze did not portend the fairy-tale reunion I had hoped for.
‘What’s up?’ Will asked. He hadn’t seen what was happening.
My tongue was tied, so I decided to lift the phone so he could see for himself. I framed the boy behind me. His infernal allure was evident even from this distance. I tried to smile as Will turned into a pillar of salt.
‘Rigel, have you…have you met William?’
‘Oh, I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure,’ he hissed, looking down and cracking his jaw.
Have another scene where he acts like the asshole he is, chases Will away and invites her in.
Now I get what my fellow reviewers feel like.
There is also a trial against the abusive guardian, and Nica is called for testimony, while Rigel isn’t and finds it out only after this, which drives him insane.
‘What is it, did you think I was too weak to come?’ He took a step towards me, oozing anger and pain. ‘Is it because of what you saw the other day? The attack?’
‘No.’
‘Then what?’
‘I didn’t want her to see you,’ I whispered with disarming honesty.
Rigel didn’t move, but something crystallised in his eyes.
‘I couldn’t stand the thought of her eyes on you again,’ I confessed. ‘That seeing you would awaken something in her. I wouldn’t have been able to bear it. I hate how obsessed she was with you, that sick affection she forced on you. I can’t breathe when I think about it. I wanted her far away. I wanted to protect you from her, even if it meant facing it alone!’
Wendy syndrome incoming. They have sex and finally the end… 6% still missing? Does it know an end? Let’s make it fast, for my and your sake.
Another fight involving Rigel, two of Nica’s friends get engaged, Nica meet Rigel’s friends (which appeared only now ‘cuz), one of which actually makes the noteworthy following statements:
‘Peter,’ I whispered. ‘Rigel is very different from the boy you imagined…’
‘Are you defending him?’ His incredulous eyes slid into mine. ‘After everything he did to you?’
He looked at me as if I was an alien. Suddenly, something murky and venomous darkened his face.
‘Of course. After all, he’s always been good at that. At manipulating people…That must be why Adeline invited him. Even after all this time…’
Where have I heard this?: 27.
You see? Even the book knows this is fucking wrong! The only one that denies it is Nica! And that’s not because, had it happened to me, I would’ve forgiven him only after his most sincere apologies.
So no, the two get married, have kids and live happily ever after! Miki (one of the lesbian friends) stays single since she doesn’t confess her love, so I wonder what was the point of that useless sub-plot.
JoSeBach: -Useless lesbian is a mood, a lifestyle. The only accurate lesbian moment.-
Where have I heard this?: 28.
And I did it!
Well, it was fun.
(SpectreThief lights up a cigarette.)
I hope you’ve followed the disclaimer at the beginning of the review, if not I’d suggest you to call an ambulance, since the final total score is 79!
Shade Owl (arguing with the mirror): – Yooou… th-think u… b-b-better than ME…? I… I… I-m… Sh-Shade Ooow… looord of numm… numberrred LISTSss!…-
Well…
What else? Really, is there something else to say?
As I said at the start of this review, this book is bland and uninteresting in the sea made of Wattpad fiction. It’s just like many other poor YA books with love triangles and toxic relationships, no more, no less.
Other the fact that the cover makes you think this is a fantasy book, while you end up with a cheap abusive romance that celebrates violent relationships.
Oh, and I have to congratulate Erin Doom for her freshly published third book. Who knows if that deserves a mention in our blog…
That’s all from your courteous bastard.
Auf Wiedersehen,
SpecreThief
Demoni di EFP, Wattpad e molto altro! 